A:  Few people feel completely at ease and self-confident during intimacy.  Three issues that frequently play a role in creating discomfort are body consciousness, performance pressure, and trust.

Body consciousness:  Intimacy is impaired by poor body image because the mind is preoccupied with doubts and fears regarding the body’s appearance and how a partner might react to it.  This prevents an individual from focusing on his/her partner and from fully engaging in the pleasures of intimacy.  To end this preoccupation, here are some tips: 1) improve your self-esteem -- list things you admire about yourself (a fun-loving personality, a sincere listener, a broad smile) and find ways to highlight them; 2) deal with body image issues -- refuse negative self-talk and replace it with thoughts of what you appreciate about your body (health, energy, stamina); and 3) focus on your partner -- giving and receiving pleasure and closeness from him or her.

Performance pressure: Many people are insecure about their sexual technique.  The good news is that there is no standard “right way” to have sex or be intimate.  It really depends upon what feels good and is enjoyable to both you and your partner -- and you won’t know that unless you take the time to ask, explore and find out.  

Trust:  Discomfort during intimacy can also arise when mutual trust and respect has not been established.  Intimacy occurs on a very personal level.  If it is shared with someone who is not well known or well trusted, it can sometimes leave you feeling vulnerable and uneasy.  You will probably feel more at ease with intimacy if you: 1) trust your partner with your physical and emotional health; 2) can communicate openly with your partner about feelings and needs; and 3) have spent quality non-sexual time with your partner.