A:  The feelings of fear you’re experiencing are normal.  Sexual assault can be very traumatic and is often accompanied by feelings of fear, shame and guilt.  Not wanting to be touched, hugged or kissed by your current partner is an understandable reaction.  It is also a likely indicator that some additional healing needs to take place in order for you to restore your sense of safety and become comfortable with intimacy again. 

I urge you to seek professional counseling to help you deal with your feelings.  The Oasis Program Against Sexual Assault and Relationship Violence – (520) 626-2051 – is located on campus, and provides counseling services to UA students, staff and faculty who are impacted by sexual assault and/or relationship violence.  Services are confidential, free of charge and available Monday through Friday from 9:00am to 5:00pm.  Another option is the Southern Arizona Center Against Sexual Assault (SACASA) – (520) 327-7273 – which provides 24-hour phone counseling and referrals.

Regarding strengthening your relationship, recognize your boundaries of comfort with relation to intimacy and communicate these to your partner.  Currently, intimate acts such as your partner hugging or kissing you may be “triggering” memories of the rape.  Perhaps they cause fear because you are unsure of what this intimacy may lead to.  By communicating, you and your partner can identify ways to help you feel safe and in control over the level of intimacy you share together.  It is important to note that partners of sexual assault survivors often experience secondary victimization, which includes reactions to and consequences of the trauma.  Counseling can be beneficial to secondary victims because it allows them an opportunity to express their own feelings, gain a better understanding of their partner’s needs, and participate in the healing process.